Once upon a time, I had a garden. It was tiny. A visitor once remarked, (tongue in cheek) 鈥淚t鈥檚 not very big, but it鈥檚 deep!鈥� That is exactly how I have experienced the time of the pandemic. A time of and for deepening.

Here in Ireland all of us 鈥渙ver-70s鈥� were advised to 鈥渃ocoon鈥� 鈥� meaning stay at home completely. As I no longer have a garden, and live alone in an empty building, in two small rented rooms and tiny balcony, there was no alternative to 鈥済oing deep.鈥� For the first month, I consciously practised a 鈥淩egular Routine Regime鈥� 鈥� rising by 7am, and doing an hour鈥檚 keep fit to old but useful Rosemary Conley cheery exercise DVDs. Then I sat and reflected, wrote, and meditated for another hour or so after breakfast, and also after my evening meal.

It struck me that this time perfectly fitted the experience of 鈥淭ransition鈥� which William Bridges1 associated with dis-identification (鈥淲ho am I?鈥�) disorientation (鈥淲here am I?鈥�) and disassociation (鈥淗ow am I 鈥� with where I am (not!)?鈥� So I took time to try and orient myself in that 鈥渘eutral zone鈥� that he also describes 鈥� where one is very alert to cues of life, even though there is little that is familiar and there is nowhere to run, either backwards or forwards.

This led me to check what I could be or do in the present, and after planting beans, peas, and tomatoes from seed in small balcony pots, and acquainting myself more intimately with visiting sparrows and blue-tits, I decided to set up a website. Time showed me this is not easy, but it has stretched me, bewildered me, occupied me, and stimulated me, culminating in taking an online course in web-building. Alongside, I wrote a lot of content on relaxation, guided meditation, life-reflection and so on, for when the project is finally launched.

I made phone contact with all my clients, saying I was available if anyone wanted to check-in, or for a phone session. Two or three did so, in the first month.

After six or seven weeks, we cocooners were allowed out for an hour鈥檚 exercise, and as I live less than 10 minutes鈥� walk from a national park, you can imagine how I felt, that first morning, when once again I stepped out at 6.30am. (I鈥檓 a lark, not an owl.) Walking for an hour with Spring unfurling into vision all around, I finally learned the names of most trees, and some of the many wildflowers.

Because still not 鈥渙fficially allowed鈥� to shop for myself, grocery bills have dramatically reduced, because asking for a bag to be dropped off under my balcony, cannot translate into 鈥渟everal bags and loads of random treats鈥�. So just veg, fruit and some protein, meant outgoing expenses reduced, which in turn, somewhat offset loss of income.

Now, as we seem to be anticipating some 鈥渙pening up鈥�, I find myself at peace in the solitude and deep silence, determining to retain the periods of reflection, repose, and reading, (including Therapy Today and Thresholds 鈥� cover to cover 鈥� quiz me!). TV and radio played very little part, and that suits too. Zoom has entered my life, and although I don鈥檛 use it with clients, (all of whom have returned for phone sessions), I have learned to accept the reality of such meetings as necessary to other aspects of my life.

All in all, like that garden, I hope this time has been a deepening experience and I believe it has. Not only for myself, for clients also.

1. Author of several books/models of Transitions. 1980s/90s

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