Although Christmas is traditionally the season of festive cheer and family gatherings, feeling lonely at this time of year is more common than you might think. Our recent study revealed that almost half of therapists (49%) saw an increase in people coming to therapy for support with loneliness and isolation over the past year.1
Our members share their insight into why we feel lonely at Christmas, and what you can do to help yourself and others who feel this way.
Why do we feel lonely at Christmas?
鈥淐hristmas is often portrayed as a time of warmth, connection and the happiest time of the year. But when our reality doesn鈥檛 match our expectations, it can make us feel left out in the cold,鈥 explains registered therapist .
Registered therapist adds that when we find ourselves alone or isolated, the contrast between our idealised expectations and actual experiences can feel even more pronounced.
鈥淭here's an expectation that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and this expectation is not helped by the relentless ads and social media posts,鈥 shares Jenny. 鈥淩epeatedly being asked about Christmas plans and listening to others share their experiences can be tough for those already feeling lonely.鈥
Senior accredited therapist says that it鈥檚 often our own comparisons that make us feel like the odd one out. 鈥淧eople feel lonely at Christmas when they feel like they haven鈥檛 got an inclusive and caring family, or even if they鈥檙e expected to do all the cooking for the big day,鈥 shares Lina. 鈥淚t can also bring a feeling of shame of not being good enough or loved, which leaves us feeling exposed and powerless.鈥
Who is most likely to feel lonely at Christmas?
Lina adds that it鈥檚 important to recognise that anyone can feel lonely. 鈥淵ou can be in a room full of your closest family and friends and still feel lonesome. This this is often due to feeling disconnected, feeling unseen and unheard,鈥 Lina explains.
However, some people are more likely to feel lonely around this time of year than others, shares Jenny: 鈥淥lder adults or those who are recently bereaved, people who are separated or divorced, and those who have moved far away from friends and family may struggle with feelings of isolation. Christmas can emphasise feelings of loss or changes in our relationships with family or friends.鈥
And Jenny adds that these feelings can start well before the big day, as festivities and holiday planning only emphasise the connections they might be missing. Lina suggests that: 鈥渇eelings of loneliness can echo way beyond the holiday season too - when all the hype is over, you can be left feeling empty and disappointed.鈥
Top tips for combatting loneliness during the festive break
Managing loneliness during the holidays can feel easier with a bit of planning and self-compassion. Here are our experts鈥 top tips for combatting loneliness over the festive break:
- Plan your connections: Charlotte suggests that reaching out to friends, family, and community groups is crucial when trying to alleviate feelings of loneliness. Jenny recommends organising a virtual meet-up or a phone call to stay connected if you鈥檙e far away from family or friends. Lina says it鈥檚 important to talk about how you are feeling too: 鈥淵ou might find that others are feeling the isolation too.鈥澨 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
- Reframe the festive break as a 鈥榬etreat space鈥: Charlotte suggests using this time to engage in activities you enjoy - whether that鈥檚 cooking or taking a winter walk - can work wonders. Jenny adds that being kind to yourself is essential at this time, and planning ahead can help you feel good about Christmas.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
- Volunteer: Charlottes says that giving back can be incredibly fulfilling and can also provide meaningful social interaction at this time of year. Jenny agrees and suggests giving 鈥測ourself a sense of purpose by finding out about community events or volunteering options.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
- Set small goals: Charlotte also suggests that planning small, achievable tasks to keep you busy will give you something to look forward to each day. 鈥淓ven if you don't stick to the plan, having a structure before and after Christmas can help to ease the pain,鈥 adds Lina.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
- Recognise what you are feeling: 鈥淚t鈥檚 ok to feel lonely鈥, assures Lina. Instead of minimising or denying how you feel, Lina suggests acknowledging your feelings - instead of avoiding them.听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
- Stop the comparisons: Lina says it鈥檚 important to stop comparing yourself to others who might be planning 鈥渁 John Lewis Christmas jamboree experience鈥. Lina says one way to do this is to stop using social media to compare your Christmas experience with others.
How to help others if you see they鈥檙e lonely at Christmas
If you suspect that someone is lonely this Christmas, here鈥檚 what you can do to help:
- Be attentive and reach out: Charlottes suggests to look out for the signs of loneliness in others. 鈥淪howing kindness through small gestures, can make the world of difference,鈥 says Charlotte. 鈥淥ffering companionship, even briefly, can lift someone鈥檚 spirits and help them feel more connected. Small gestures like a phone call, video chat or thoughtful message can help bridge a connection gap, even if there is a physical distance.鈥澨 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听听
- Make extra effort with vulnerable people: Charlotte adds that if you know of someone less mobile or elderly, offering help with holiday errands can also go a huge way to making someone feel less isolated: 鈥淪ometimes, simply creating conversation and acknowledging the other human beings around you can be the most generous gift. You could have been the only person to connect with them that day.鈥 Jenny adds that just listening to someone and offering understanding can make a real difference: 鈥淐onsider inviting them to join some of your festivities. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture."听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听 听
- Don't assume people are lonely: Just because someone is on their own at Christmas, it doesn鈥檛 mean they are lonely. 鈥淟ots of people prefer their own company so check in with them first to gauge how they are feeling,鈥 suggests Lina.
To find a registered therapist who can support you with loneliness, visitor our directory on
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[1] All figures are from our annual Mindometer survey of 香港六合彩精准资料 members. Total sample size was 2,658 therapists. Fieldwork was undertaken between 3 鈥 17 September 2024.听 The survey was carried out online.
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