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Being a parent or carer can be the best job in the world but pressures often leave many feeling overwhelmed, and increasingly lonely, isolated and disconnected from friends and family.¹

This week鈥檚 Parent Mental Health Day is an opportunity to acknowledge the daily struggles of parents and carers and share ways for families to connect better, as well as improve mental health and wellbeing.

We know from our public survey² that a third of parents and carers said they 鈥榓re very worried鈥� about their child鈥檚 mental health, and a fifth of children had asked their parents about seeing a counsellor.

Here our members share their advice and tips on connecting with your family and creating strong, positive relationships.

Be present

Counsellor and parenting expert says it鈥檚 important for families to make time to strengthen their connections by focusing on being present together.

鈥淵ou may be sitting next to each other,鈥� Jenny says, 鈥渂ut if you're scrolling through your phone, thinking about what to make for dinner or a difficult conversation at work, you're not really with them emotionally. Being present shows them you care, so demonstrate an interest in them and their actions.鈥�

Counsellor recommends actively listening to family members, rather than jumping to conclusions about what we think they鈥檒l say:

鈥淪ometimes we listen with our ears shut, pre-empting their words, and planning our response.

鈥淭he more actively we listen to each other, the more engaged and connected we feel. And if our loved ones feel as if they are being 鈥榣istened to鈥� then they are more likely to open up when they need our support.鈥�

Relationship counsellor and psychotherapist Armele Philpotts adds: 鈥淚t鈥檚 hard to step back from the endless list of things to do and just be present with your kids. Often younger kids demand it while teenagers may seem ok in their rooms, but making time to do things together creates opportunities to share experiences and talk.鈥�

Eat together

There鈥檚 a reason why shared, family meals feature at the centre of festivities and cultural celebrations, says Georgina.

鈥淲hen we are sat around a table, we鈥檙e making eye contact, we鈥檙e relaxing, and we are sharing a simple, human pleasure.

鈥淎nd the shared experience shouldn鈥檛 begin and end when we sit down and when we leave the table. Cooking together and clearing up together might seem boring and mundane. But these shared experiences are all a part of family life, and they set the tone for what we expect from each other in our family unit.鈥�

Quality over quantity

The quality of the time that we spend together far outweighs the amount of time we spend in each other鈥檚 company, says Georgina.:

鈥淪o, when we do have time with our loved ones, find ways to actively enjoy each other鈥檚 company,鈥� she adds.. 鈥淭urn off your devices and distractions. Find activities that everyone can enjoy. And remember that family time doesn鈥檛 have to always be spent as a group. One-to-one time is incredibly valuable for us to build our individual bonds with each member of our family.鈥�

Jenny agrees: 鈥淪mall gestures add up, so focus on the quality of time with them rather than quantity. This creates a safe space where young people feel comfortable discussing their thoughts and concerns.鈥�

It鈥檚 not about being perfect

Here鈥檚 the good news - perfection really isn鈥檛 the goal in our family relationships, says Georgina.

鈥淚f we try to be the perfect mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, then we are setting ourselves up for failure. Cut yourself some slack. Good relationships are about consistency, communication, and owning up to our mistakes.

鈥淔amilies are a great opportunity for us to learn about 鈥榬upture and repair鈥�, about healing relationships when we get things wrong.鈥�

Leave stress at the door

鈥淭his one isn鈥檛 always easy,鈥� admits Georgina, 鈥渂ut when we return home after a hard day, it鈥檚 easy to let our stresses spill over into family life.

鈥淪ometimes, to displace our anger or worry, we metaphorically 鈥榢ick the cat鈥� and take out our frustrations on those closest to us.鈥�

If you鈥檝e had a bad day Georgina says its best to try to put this to one side and focus on enjoying family time.

Armele adds: 鈥淲e all know what鈥檚 it鈥檚 like to walk into a room where someone is obviously stressed and immediately feel our own stress levels rising in sympathy, so it's useful to know that children take their emotional cues from their parents/carers in the same way.

鈥淟ooking after our own emotional health and wellbeing is a powerful way of balancing the whole family's stress for this reason, as well as giving us adults the space to make calmer decisions about our kids.鈥�

^{1 2023 stem4 survey}

^{2. 2023 香港六合彩精准资料 Public Perceptions Survey}