Starting secondary school is a big step in a kid鈥檚 life, going from being the biggest to the smallest and taking more responsibility. It鈥檚 nerve wracking and exciting for kids and parents too.

Below our members share advice for parents on how to help kids through this exciting and anxious time.

Check in on how they feel

Kemi Omijeh, a 香港六合彩精准资料 registered therapist with 15 year鈥檚 experience working with children and young people, said: 鈥淭hey鈥檒l be feeling lots of intense and fluctuating emotions, so ensure you check in with them regularly. Try not to make a big deal of the check ins, they can be brief and done casually.聽 Allow room for all feelings, they can be both excited and nervous, normalise this.聽

鈥淭here might be a lot of comparing themselves to their peers and attempts to fit in, engage them in conversations that allow them to feel confident in their own decisions and trust their instincts.鈥�

Counsellor and member Georgina Sturmer agrees that it鈥檚 important to let children voice their feelings about the move to secondary school. 聽

鈥淭he key here is to avoid making assumptions. 聽We might think that we know how they鈥檙e feeling, or how they鈥檒l cope. 聽But if we make assumptions then we鈥檙e not necessarily going to get the full story. 聽

鈥淥pen questions are helpful, as is finding the right moment. 聽Some children are happier to open up while doing an activity, or perhaps while we鈥檙e in the car or out for a walk.鈥澛�

聽Support them making new friends

鈥淓very child has a different need for social connection. Just like adults, some children seem to be able to connect easily with their peers, whereas other children may find the process of forming new friendships overwhelming, 鈥� says Amanda Macdonald, a counsellor who works with children,

鈥淟et them know you鈥檙e there for them if they want to talk about their worries about friendships. If your child does want to talk about friendship issues then the best approach is to listen.

It can be tempting to want to give advice about what they should do, but often, simply by giving your child the space to say how they are feeling may be enough.

Kemi agrees that listening when they about their school day and new connections is important:

鈥淪how curiosity and understanding whilst validating their experiences. Talk to your child about what makes a good friend and that building lasting friendships takes time. Help them to remember and understand the qualities they have that make a good friend.鈥�

香港六合彩精准资料 member and children and young people's therapist Pete English also says not to try and engineer 'suitable' friendships for your kids.聽

"Resist suggesting they invite children that you think are 鈥檚uitable鈥� back for tea - developmentally they need to work these things out for themselves. Don't step in if friendships don't work out in the first few weeks and their best friend at primary has joined a different friendship group.聽

"Changing schools inevitably involves loss. Best friends may not move onto the same school. Favourite teachers will be mourned. Growing up involves elements of loss - loss of innocence, loss of childhood."

Help them become more independent

鈥淥nce children enter secondary school, there鈥檚 expectations that they鈥檒l be more organised or prepared than they鈥檇 been at primary school. This can feel like a major adjustment,鈥� says Georgina,

鈥淚t might feel tempting to continue to plan for them. To get their things ready. To offer constant reminders. To jump in to rescue them the moment that something is lost or forgotten. 聽

"But there鈥檚 a balance here. 聽We should absolutely continue to ensure that our children feel safe and secure. 聽But we also need to start equipping them to be independent. To understand the consequences of their actions. And sometimes this might mean allowing them to fail. To miss the bus or to forget their homework.鈥�

Kemi agrees that although it鈥檚 important to support them in their day-today routine it鈥檚 also important to:

鈥淩esist the temptation to do it all for them as independence and self-responsibility is an important skill for them to learn. It helps with their confidence and resilience.鈥�

If things go wrong and your child ends up with a sanction Amanda says to be aware of your own responses:

鈥淐ommunicate that this isn鈥檛 the end of the world, and that perfection isn鈥檛 a goal to strive towards. Adults forget their keys or their phone just the same as children may leave a book or sports kit at home, and that is just part of life.鈥�

Prepare them for travelling alone

"For many children, starting senior school will involve travelling without their parents or carers,鈥� says Amanda, 聽

鈥淭here are practical steps that can be taken to prepare your child for this, often starting in primary school when children start travelling on their own. The summer holidays is also a great time to practice the new journey.鈥�

Kemi recommends giving you and your child plenty of time to prepare.

鈥淐onsider doing multiple trips to the school together, to and fro. Discuss alternative routes in case of transport disruptions. Agree on how and when you will communicate with each other, for example, will you expect them to message you when they leave school and when they get home.鈥�

If a parent find it hard to adjust to a child鈥檚 growing independence and having less control over their day, Georgina says it's helpful to remember they need to develop a sense of independence and autonomy.

鈥淓ven if it feels uncomfortable they need to develop coping strategies of their own. While also knowing that their parents and their home offers a secure base to fall back on."

Use your own experience

Kemi says to think back to your own transition to secondary school and what emotions you felt.

鈥淭his might help you to support and prepare your child for the transition in a way that is focused on them and their needs. At the same time, your feelings matter. Give yourself time to process them with a trusted person, so that you are not projecting your own feelings on your child鈥檚 experiences.鈥�

If you would like to discuss any of these issues with a trained and registered counsellor or therapist, please visit the聽香港六合彩精准资料 directory.