The first few months of motherhood is a rollercoaster ride which nothing can prepare you for.

For many women it can be challenging, isolating and emotionally complicated.

And it can be hard for women to talk to others if they鈥檙e struggling, because of the idea that this should be one of the happiest times of their lives.

As part of Maternal Mental Health Week, which runs until 5 May, some of our members have shared their messages for new mums to help them know they鈥檙e not alone and that it鈥檚 important to reach out for support if they need it.

, a therapist based in Nottingham, says: 鈥淢any new mums struggle with the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a new baby while also trying to manage their own needs and expectations. It's common for them to feel guilt or inadequacy when they can't "do it all," and part of my role is to help them navigate these feelings and find a balance that works for them.鈥�

Separate the relationship with your baby from your relationship with this stage of motherhood

鈥淭here鈥檚 a societal expectation that women will enjoy early motherhood,鈥� says , an Edinburgh-based therapist.

听鈥淭hat can make mothers feel guilty or ashamed if that isn鈥檛 how they feel (especially if they have had difficulties conceiving or keeping the pregnancy).

鈥淪ince we tend to avoid talking to people about how we feel when we鈥檙e ashamed, this is a double whammy because it means that new mums are even less likely to talk about how they feel, and increases their isolation.鈥�

She advises: 鈥淚t can be helpful to separate the relationship with your baby from your relationship with this stage of motherhood 鈥� they are not the same! You can love your baby and be grateful for them, without loving being a mother at this stage 鈥� the two can be separate. Knowing this can make it easier not to feel ashamed, which can make it easier to talk with people around you.鈥�

Remember the idea that 鈥榤ums just know鈥� is a lie

鈥淲e have this idea that 鈥榤ums just know鈥�, which is a complete lie,鈥� adds Sarah.

Women don鈥檛 鈥榡ust know鈥� any more than men do, it鈥檚 just that women are often given more responsibility for knowing what a baby needs.

She says: 鈥淭his 鈥榢nowing鈥� is something that is learnt over time 鈥� through compassionate support, relevant information, learning from mistakes and observing the baby (all things that men can do as well).

鈥淏ut because mums have often absorbed this idea that they 鈥榮hould know鈥� how to look after their baby, they can feel as though they are failing if they don鈥檛 know what their baby needs at any point.鈥�

Foster a sense of flexibility and lean into the chaos

听鈥淔or clients who have spent most of their adult life being able to have a sense of control, the experience of becoming a new mum can completely erode all sense of control,鈥� says , a therapist and coach based in London.

鈥淚f you're washing bottles and the baby suddenly wakes, you stop. If you planned your day meticulously around their nap schedule but the postie wakes them early and disrupts the rest of the day, what do you do?鈥澨�

Her top tip is to try and foster a sense of flexibility.

鈥淟ean into the chaos,鈥� she says. 鈥淭hink of routines as a guide to support you rather than a strict agenda. Flexible thinking can help to reduce the pressure you put on yourself and feelings of anxiety or low mood.鈥�

She also advises mums to think flexibly and avoid words like never, always, should and shouldn鈥檛. 听

Wait until you鈥檙e less sleep deprived to have constructive conversations

Sarah says: 鈥淏abies often have an impact on relationships 鈥� not just couple relationships but also relationships within the family, friendships and even work relationships. However, because this often isn鈥檛 expected or can鈥檛 be predicted, it can be a source of real pain for new mums.鈥�

She recommends that new mums try not to have conversations about these relationships until they鈥檙e less sleep deprived 鈥渟o that they can have the best chance of having constructive conversations if necessary.鈥�

She also adds: 鈥淚t can also be helpful to gently take a bit of space from some relationships, if they鈥檙e feeling hard, to give you both time to adjust to the fact that your baby is now part of things for you.

鈥淢any relationships will change to accommodate the baby, but some won鈥檛, and that can be very upsetting. If that鈥檚 the case, it can be helpful to speak with a therapist to help you move through the feelings,鈥� she concludes.

Natasha adds that issues caused by sleep deprivation often come up in the therapy room.

鈥淚 often find myself working with these mothers to develop strategies for better sleep hygiene, coping mechanisms for fatigue, and techniques for managing stress and anxiety that can be exacerbated by lack of sleep,鈥� she says.

Know that almost none of the women who have intrusive thoughts about their baby act on them

Some 91% of mothers will have intrusive and upsetting thoughts about their baby during pregnancy or after the birth, according to 2011 research by Kleinman and Wenzel.

But Sarah says because we鈥檙e so scared of talking about these thoughts, many women don鈥檛 realise how common they are or that almost none of the women who have them act on them.

Sarah says: 鈥淭hese thoughts are deeply distressing and can really interfere with how you feel about yourself as a mum. Knowing that you are not going to act on these thoughts, but that they are part of the experience of being a mother for many people, can help you feel more able to either put them aside, or feel more able to seek help if necessary.鈥�

Bring others into the process of what needs to be done

Lara says that she find women often struggle during this period as there are so many different things to think about and do.

鈥淎 common complaint is brain fog due to having so many 'tabs open',鈥� she says.

鈥淭he sheer volume of things to consider which vary in importance, size and urgency can create a general sense of overwhelm.鈥�

Lara recommends not just delegating tasks, but fully bringing people in the process of what needs to be done. 听听

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To find a counsellor or psychotherapist who can help you visit our Therapy directory.