When it comes to love, it's easy to focus on couples, especially on Valentine鈥檚 Day. However, it's important to remember that聽all forms of love in our life (platonic love, familial love, and of course, self-love) have a place on this special day.

For many people being single in middle-age wasn鈥檛 part of the plan but divorce or the unexpected death of a loved-one has thrust this new status on them.

So, following a recent study1 that found that as some people get older they鈥檙e more satisfied with their solo status, we took the opportunity to speak to our members about how being older, single and loving yourself can be a positive force in your life.

It鈥檚 better to be single and happy

Our member Emma Cullinan, an integrative therapist, says, 鈥�While it鈥檚 a social construct that says everyone should be in a couple, it鈥檚 not worth staying with someone if they are negatively impacting you. Also, you can feel lonely in a relationship.鈥�

In a society that often idealises the companionship of a significant other, the journey of growing older alone without a partner is often depicted as a variation from the norm, says relationship psychotherapist and member Vasia Toxavidi.

鈥淗owever, I believe that it's crucial to understand that being an older single person is a unique path with its own set of benefits, and not a void feeling that needs to be filled in order to bring fulfilment and happiness.鈥�

Learning to love yourself

鈥淎mong the many great things about being older and single, is the chance for personal development and self-understanding,鈥� says Vasia,聽

鈥淧eople who deal with life's challenges on their own terms tend to make more substantial progress towards self-acceptance, resilience and understanding of who they are. As a result, they develop a closer relationship and a deeper connection with themselves.

鈥淭hey become empowered and more trusting within themselves, and more independent and able to embrace their own individuality.鈥�

Emma agrees, 鈥淭he most important part of strengthening your relationship with yourself is to be compassionate and get to like yourself. You could explore yourself on your own or with the help of a therapist.

鈥淎ccepting yourself will make it easier to create the connections you will need: whether that be friendships, joining group activities and/or seeking a new partnership.鈥�

Appreciate the freedom

Vasia says, 鈥淚t鈥檚 a period offering a unique opportunity for self-discovery and self-care, embodying the freedom to spontaneously explore the world.

鈥淲hether it's a lastminute night out or an impromptu visit to friends in another city, or country, or even to go on holidays on your own, this freedom is empowering.鈥�

鈥淭here are challenges and positive aspects of being on your own and older these days鈥�, says integrative therapist and member Lou Baker,

鈥淚n a world of increased connection to others through social media and online, there seems to be an increase in people embracing and advocating single life as we get older.聽

鈥淚n my work I meet people who feel empowered realising they have a choice at being single and a confidence at the freedom this can bring - particularly if this has come through the end of a marriage or long-term relationship.

鈥淭here will be the process of working through the ending and the loss but there can also be a big transformation in each person as they rediscover themselves and their options.鈥�

Focus on you and a living a fulfilling life

鈥淲hile social media bombards us with images of perfect couples and grand romantic gestures of love, it's essential to recognise that these depictions aren't the only catalysts for a fulfilling life,鈥� explains Vasia,聽

鈥淥lder singles can redefine happiness on their terms, unburdened by societal expectations. They have a freedom that to focus on themselves and a hope that life still can bring so much to them, a kind of hope that some couples seem to lose along the way.鈥�

鈥淚鈥檓 a strong believer that the journey towards self-fulfillment lies in embracing the present moment, finding joy in the simple pleasures of life, and cultivating gratitude for the opportunities that unfold each day and not in finding the 鈥榩erfect鈥� partner.

鈥淏eing older and single is not a state of lack but an empowering choice that allows for a deeper connection with oneself and the world.鈥�

References

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