Friends catching up in the pub for the first in a year; families reuniting after missing each other at Christmas; workmates enjoying seeing each other in person rather than via virtual meetings 鈥� the focus of the past few weeks and months has often been about COVID-19 social restrictions easing.

But that doesn鈥檛 mean that everyone is benefiting from this increase in socialising.

Lockdown brought a focus on loneliness with thoughts turning to those living alone or unable to see their families or friends because of restrictions.

But for some the increase of socialising may be bringing loneliness into the frame for them for a different reason. It鈥檚 more complicated than someone being alone.

Underestimated

Loneliness is an 鈥渦nderestimated鈥� problem, says our member Jennifer Park, a London-based counsellor.

鈥淔or some people, there鈥檚 the loneliness when we don鈥檛 have people calling, when everyone is going out and they are not, 鈥� says Jennifer, a north London based counsellor.

鈥淒uring lockdown, everyone was in the same situation. But now, as we come out of those restrictions, there are those whose life isn鈥檛 changing. They are not going to have that hope and excitement.

鈥淭hey may have already felt the pressure of loneliness of lockdown. But now that might feel even worse.

鈥淭here can be a sense of shame attached to these feelings of loneliness. People are often secretive about them. They can feel empty, alone and unwanted.鈥�

Anxiety

For others their loneliness may be linked to anxiety about socialising again.

Jennifer adds: 鈥淭his anxiety may emerge out of coming out lockdown. It鈥檚 a sense that everyone鈥檚 doing better than me. A feeling that I can鈥檛 connect in the same way. For some people that might feel like they are standing on the outside, looking in at everyone else. This social anxiety can lead to loneliness too.鈥�

And, of course, there are others who may now be experiencing loneliness relating to something that has happened to them during the pandemic - perhaps the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a decline in their health or something else.

鈥淭hese people may be facing more isolation and change. They don鈥檛 know what comes next. The feeling of being 鈥榮tuck鈥� can be chronic. There鈥檚 loneliness, and there鈥檚 isolation.鈥�

Connection

But it鈥檚 not just people who are alone, who are lonely.

鈥淧eople can be in a relationship or live with family and friends, and still feel lonely. They can be with other people 鈥� but if they don鈥檛 have that connection, there鈥檚 still loneliness.鈥�

Feeling lonely can have a negative effect on your mental health and wellbeing. It can be associated with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and stress, research has suggested.

And this brings Jennifer on to talking about therapy.

鈥淲e鈥檙e wired for human connection. If we don鈥檛 have that connection then we can feel lonely. It鈥檚 when we鈥檙e not being seen or being met.

鈥淭he connection in therapy hugely beneficial. It鈥檚 how therapy works. It鈥檚 all about the client being seen and heard. It鈥檚 what we do as therapists.鈥�

As well as the connection, Jennifer describes how she can work with clients to help them come up with strategies that can help combat their loneliness. This is a lot more than just encouraging them to phone someone.

She adds: 鈥淥ften the loneliness comes from a deeper issue or a response to lifetime experiences.

Root cause

鈥淓veryone has different experiences and sees them through their own lens of life.

鈥淎 therapist can help someone get to the root cause of it.鈥�

She also works with clients on the core beliefs they have about themselves.

鈥淪ome people may have a core belief that 鈥業鈥檓 alone鈥� or 鈥業 don鈥檛 matter鈥�. It鈥檚 about awareness of that belief, helping them to change that over time, alleviating that and showing them that connection is available to them.鈥�

Breathing techniques and meditation can sometimes help when the connection the person is missing is actually connection themselves.

鈥淪ometimes people need to be closer to themselves,鈥� she adds, 鈥渢o discover and connect to themselves too.鈥�

Find a counsellor or psychotherapist who can help you with our Therapist Directory.