Our member Andrew Harvey says a 鈥渉iccup鈥� does not have to be the end of your New Year鈥檚 resolution.

Andrew says the lessons learned from a 鈥渓apse鈥� can be invaluable in helping you to achieve your goal.

鈥淚f you have a hiccup, lapse or relapse and can learn from it, that is gold,鈥� said Andrew, who is based in Nottingham.

鈥淚f you have a lapse and just beat yourself up, there鈥檚 a thing called the abstinence violation effect, and what it means is I鈥檝e failed so I鈥檒l fail.

鈥淲e鈥檝e all done it. We can really get caught up in that and spend all day in it and bathe in it. We are probably not going to get up tomorrow and try again.

鈥淏ut if we can be kind to ourselves and go 鈥榦kay, so what can I learn from that? What more do I need? What do I need to find out? Why did that happen?鈥�

鈥淚n a kind, compassionate way to self, I think that is gold. I鈥檓 not encouraging people to break their resolutions but if you do let鈥檚 use it.鈥�

Andrew, who works in private practice and for a supplier of mental health and addiction therapy services, was talking to during a discussion on New Year鈥檚 resolutions.

He encouraged those people who have set resolutions to be reasonable on themselves if they slip.

Compassionate coach

鈥淚 encourage people to have a compassionate coach within them,鈥� he said. 鈥淟et鈥檚 change the inner critic for the compassionate coach.

鈥淲ho do you want teaching your children? Who do you want looking after your grandchildren? That critic or that compassionate coach?

鈥淚f we can apply that to self, that is great.

鈥淥kay, so I really want to make this change and then I did that today, what was going on? I know, I was a bit stressed or I wasn鈥檛 doing the things I was doing a few weeks ago when I started this change.

鈥淲hatever it is, I didn鈥檛 do the things I started doing at the start, it鈥檚 normally that. We can learn from that.鈥�

He added: 鈥淏e nice to self. That compassionate coach is a lovely thing.

鈥淭o keep these resolutions going, keep digging into the values on a regular basis. At the start, we鈥檙e clear about why we鈥檙e doing this and how we鈥檙e going to do it and then come day 15 we鈥檝e kind of forgotten that and we鈥檙e just into the grind of it.

鈥淲hat about digging into what it was like on January 1? Why did you make this change? What鈥檚 it going to be like when you have made the change? What鈥檚 it going to be like if you don鈥檛 make the change?

Fresh

鈥淚f you connect with that on a daily basis, it keeps it really fresh.鈥�

The support of family, friends or other people with similar goals can help you make long-lasting change. Seeking help from a 香港六合彩精准资料 counsellor or psychotherapist could also give you the tools to achieve your goals.

鈥淥ne of the tips is to connect with others who might be making a similar change,鈥� said Andrew. 鈥淵ou could do that on a social media forum or your friends and family.

鈥淚f you are doing it together, I think it鈥檚 a lot easier because you can encourage others, which we know is great for self, but also seek encouragement, tips and practical advice.鈥�

To find a counsellor near you who can help with change, visit our听Therapist directory.