For mum-of-two Maeve one of the many difficult consequences of having an eating disorder was that she found herself lying to her friends and family about what and when she ate.

They were often little lies. Telling friends she鈥檇 eaten before she visited their homes and so didn鈥檛 need a meal. Or reassuring people who commented on her weight loss that she had been eating more.

But when Maeve* started counselling, it finally gave her a place she could be honest about what was happening 鈥� and how she was feeling.

It wasn鈥檛 necessarily easy to open up. It took time to talk about the anorexia and bulimia she was living with.

But she knows how helpful it was that she had a 鈥渟afe space鈥� where she was able to do this.

鈥淐ounselling gave me somewhere safe where I could say how I was feeling. There was no judgement,鈥� said 29-year-old Maeve.

鈥淚t was the only place I could be truthful. A lot of the time with eating disorders, it sounds bad, but you have to lie to everyone. People are on your case all the time. You want to keep them out of it; not let them know what鈥檚 happening.

鈥淚 was trying to keep everyone else at arm鈥檚 length, but sometimes you just need somewhere to be truthful, because you realise you are struggling.鈥�

A safe space

鈥淚t was a safe space to talk. I came away from those sessions knowing they were positive.鈥�

Maeve was first diagnosed with an eating disorder when she was 16.

She struggled during her teenage years, went through complications in her personal life as well and聽was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

She relapsed again a few years ago and spent time in hospital.

She felt irritable. She felt low. Then she felt suicidal.

There was a lot going on in her life that was hard to deal with.

鈥淚 think an eating disorder sneaks up on you. You think you鈥檙e in control with it and then you鈥檙e not,鈥� she said.

鈥淲hen your weight dips, the more you lose, the more irritable you feel. You don鈥檛 feel emotional, as such, but irritable, tired, stuff like that.

鈥淚 think I knew I needed counselling, it was trying to find a way into it.

鈥淲hen a woman at my son鈥檚 school suggested it, I was willing to give it a go 鈥� but I didn鈥檛 think it was going to work.鈥�

Maeve said initially the counselling was for her low mood and it was a while before her eating disorder was mentioned.

It became easier to talk

鈥淭hat first session, I felt reserved. I think it was difficult to talk about certain things. Some subjects didn鈥檛 come out for a long time. But it became easier,鈥� she added.

鈥淭he counsellor was relaxed. She was easy to talk to. It didn鈥檛 feel scary.

鈥淲hile I was going through counselling, the eating disorder became more apparent again.

鈥淚 brought it up. I knew it was taking control of me.鈥�

Maeve鈥檚 counsellor introduced the concept that her eating disorder was a 鈥渂ully on her shoulder鈥�, based on a good practice strategy for working with the condition.

The work focused on Maeve fighting back against the condition, rather than feeling it was inevitable that the 鈥渂ully鈥� would win.

It helped introduce more rational thinking and allowed her to focus on her thoughts, feelings and behaviours, as well as exploring her fears and vulnerabilities.

鈥淭here were things in the past I blamed myself for. There was a certain amount of shame and guilt. Talking about the past was probably the hardest thing in these sessions," she said.

I realised it wasn't my fault

鈥淭his was the first time that I realised it wasn鈥檛 my fault.

鈥淚t鈥檚 helpful to have had that time in which I could be honest. When you talk about things, rather than keeping it in, you understand it more yourself. It gives you insight into things you don鈥檛 necessarily think about,鈥� she said.

鈥淚t was about getting these things out, and having somebody else, a completely different pair of eyes look at it.鈥�

Maeve鈥檚 counselling sessions lasted several months towards the end of last year.

Throughout this period Maeve was seeing a psychiatrist, who then referred her to a structured management group, which offers support for BPD.

Her key-worker at this group is advised by the eating disorder clinic.聽And this system now works聽well for Maeve as she has the support, but is one step removed from the clinic.

She recognises that while the counselling may not have changed her eating habits 鈥� it has helped her during very difficult times.

鈥淭he change in eating habits has to come from you wanting to change, which the counsellor works on with you.

It keeps you safe

鈥淚t gives you a safe space to say exactly how you鈥檙e feeling. If you鈥檙e not willing to change, it keeps you safe. If you鈥檙e losing massive amounts of weight, then someone鈥檚 monitoring it.鈥�

This week she is raising money and awareness for Eating Disorders Awareness Week, encouraging friends and relatives to guess the number of socks on a poster as part of a fundraising project for the charity Beat.

聽鈥淪omeone I was in hospital with in the eating disorder unit passed away recently. It inspired me to do something,鈥� said Maeve.

鈥淧eople do know what I鈥檝e been through.聽 It鈥檚 really positive that I can go to people and do this fundraising. It raises awareness and gets the conversation going.鈥�

And looking back at her counselling sessions, she thinks of them positively too.

鈥淚t was a bit of light in the darkness,鈥� she said.

*Not her real name.

To find a counsellor or psychotherapist who specialises in eating disorders,聽 visit our Therapist directory.