Olympic cycling champion Victoria Pendleton says she has 鈥渢urned a corner鈥� after revealing she considered taking her own life last summer.
Victoria, one of the greatest-ever British cyclists, was diagnosed with depression after returning home from an aborted charity climb of Mount Everest.
Now the 38-year-old, who won golds at the Olympics in Beijing in 2008 and in London in 2012 and nine World Championship gold medals in a glittering career, has spoken publicly about how her mental health deteriorated in a bid to help others.
Victoria, who pursued a career as a jockey after retiring from cycling, said: 鈥淚 said to my mum: 鈥楶lease would you forgive me [if I killed myself]?鈥� Obviously, it was very upsetting for her to hear that. But I really wanted my family to be able to forgive me.
鈥淏ecause... I wouldn鈥檛 do it to hurt them on purpose. You just can鈥檛 understand how much I was suffering on the inside.鈥�
The attempt to climb Everest, with TV presenter Ben Fogle, ended when Victoria showed signs of hypoxia 鈥� a lack of oxygen 鈥� and doctors suggested the condition may have caused her depression.
However, Victoria told it could have been an accumulation of factors, including a recent divorce.
Victoria, who was appointed an MBE in 2010 and CBE in 2013 for services to cycling, said: 鈥淚 went from this full-on environment; avalanches breaking above my head, jumping across crevasses where you might die if you fell in鈥� to coming back here, to a property I was potentially selling because I needed to move on with my life.
鈥淚 didn鈥檛 really have security in where I was living, what I was doing next, the whole divorce, how I was feeling about that. It just overwhelmed me.鈥�
Speaking out
She sought help from Steve Peters, a psychiatrist with whom she had worked at British Cycling. 鈥淚 am so grateful that he picked up,鈥� she said. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I would be here if he hadn鈥檛.鈥�
And she credits a surfing trip to Costa Rica as a turning point in her recovery and has since become a patron of The Wave Project, a charity which uses surfing as therapy to help young people.
"Since November I have felt much better," she said. 鈥淚've turned a corner. That doesn't mean I won't be more cautious in the future, if I start to feel similar symptoms.
鈥淏ut I feel I'd be better prepared at least. I guess that's why I'm speaking out now. In case my personal experience can trigger something of use and value for someone else.鈥�
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