It鈥檚 just a few hours until you go to a friend鈥檚 festive party 鈥� but instead of feeling excited, your heart rate has increased, you鈥檙e feeling nauseous, your palms are sweaty, and an intense feeling of doom has swept over you.

These are all common symptoms of social anxiety 鈥� a form of anxiety that is specifically related to social situations.

It鈥檚 where people often fear being judged, shamed and ostracised by others at the party or event they are attending.

鈥淭here鈥檚 no one-size-fits-all with social anxiety,鈥� says our member Sally Brown.

鈥淪omeone may be fine socialising with close friends but feel so anxious about meeting new people that they go out of their way to avoid it. For others, anxiety is triggered by large groups of people, or by situations where they feel they may be put on the spot.

Added pressure

鈥淭here can be a feeling of added pressure to socialise during the festive season and it can feel like a minefield to navigate for people with social anxiety.

鈥淲hen it feels like everyone around is enthusiastically embracing festive socialising, you can feel like an outsider and very alone with your problem,鈥� adds Sally, a coach and therapist.

It鈥檚 normal to feel apprehensive before some social situations 鈥� but if this anxiety is limiting your life or causing you distress regularly, it鈥檚 worth seeking help.

Therapists can work with people with social anxiety in different ways.

They can help you to reframe how you think about social situations and whether people judge you.

Accept feelings

Or they can help you to get in touch with your values so that you accept uncomfortable feelings rather than resisting or avoiding them.

鈥淎 therapist could also help explore your personal triggers for anxiety and dismantle unhelpful beliefs such as 鈥榚veryone must like and approve of me鈥�,鈥� she added.

Sally warns against using temporary solutions to cope with social anxiety 鈥� such as drinking heavily or avoiding going out.

Avoidance can make social anxiety worse, she says.

鈥淵ou never get to prove to yourself that you can tolerate uncomfortable feelings and survive. Avoidance is a short-term solution but it can create longer term problems.鈥�

She recommends several more sustainable coping strategies that can help you overcome your social anxiety.

Coping strategies

  1. Talk about your feelings to someone you trust. You鈥檙e not the only one who feels this way and you may discover that even outwardly confident people have doubts and fears about their social skills. Having a support person alongside you can also make it easier to go to social events.
  2. Scale how bad you imagine a social event will be before you go out of 10 (with 10 being the worst). Then rescale it afterwards and compare your prediction with the reality.
  3. It鈥檚 tempting to turn up late to events when you are feeling anxious but this is actually harder than turning up early, which means you don鈥檛 have to walk into a crowded room. You could also offer to volunteer to help the host.
  4. Practise a calming breathing exercise for a few minutes every day, such as 7-11 breathing (breathe in to a count of 7, and out for a count of 11), such as when you鈥檙e waiting for the kettle to boil or when you鈥檙e waiting at traffic lights. The more often you do it, the more effective it is at calming a hyper-regulated nervous system, so it鈥檚 like an SOS treatment that goes with you everywhere.
  5. Set a time limit on how long you will stay at an event. You could start by staying for just 20 minutes for instance. Then, the next time, try to stay for five minutes longer. Make sure you have an 鈥榚xit strategy鈥� i.e. you鈥檙e not dependent on waiting for someone else to get home. Feeling trapped will increase your anxiety.
  6. If your anxiety revolves around being stuck for something to say, think of a few suitable topics or conversation starters before you go. Keep it simple. Questions such as, 鈥楬ow do you know the host?鈥� or 鈥榃hat鈥檚 keeping you busy these days?鈥� can be good conversation starters.

To find a counsellor or psychotherapist who can help you with anxiety, visit our Therapist directory.听