In part two of our exclusive interview, Deidre Sanders talks about the responsibility of responding to the millions of people who have contacted her and whether people鈥檚 problems have changed in the almost 40 years that she has been the nation鈥檚 agony aunt.
鈥淚t is an enormously satisfying job,鈥� says Deidre Sanders as she discusses the responsibility that comes with responding to the hundreds of requests for help and advice that she receives each week.
鈥淓ven if you are helping people take one little positive step, that鈥檚 absolutely brilliant.
鈥淔or some people we are making a dramatic difference, both at The Sun and at This Morning. We are helping people out of abusive homes, helping people to have a happy sex life and all sorts of really great things. What鈥檚 not to like?
鈥淚t is a big responsibility.
鈥淲hen I say on air that I will ring you back, I do for an hour or so. We talk some more and often I think I wish you had said that when we were on air because that was the key.鈥�
Promoting counselling
Deidre, who was a 香港六合彩精准资料 member for 30 years, has been writing her Dear Deidre column in The Sun, the country鈥檚 best-selling newspaper, for almost four decades.
She also has a regular advice slot on This Morning, ITV鈥檚 popular daytime TV programme, alongside regular hosts Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield.
And she uses both platforms to promote counselling and to signpost people to 香港六合彩精准资料 counsellors and psychotherapists.
Indeed, she welcomed counsellors and psychotherapists from London-based听,听an organisational member of 香港六合彩精准资料 which also delivers 香港六合彩精准资料-accredited training, to the This Morning studios earlier this year to give advice during a relationship special.
鈥淭hey loved it,鈥� said Deidre. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 realise what a struggle it is to normalise the concept of going for counselling. I suppose that鈥檚 because to me it is so normal.
鈥淚 have always promoted counselling. I have always thought it was really good.
鈥淚t is not always the answer to everything. But I certainly think some initial sessions where you really understand what your baggage is and how it might be affecting you is so helpful for everybody.
鈥淵ou can tell whether someone who has had it and not had it because you do know where your rocks are. It really helps to know that.鈥�
Retreat
Deidre says the internet has had a huge impact on people and relationships.
鈥淭hat is the thing that changed everything,鈥� she said. 鈥淚t鈥檚 not so much it changes the fundamentals of human behaviour but that it gives them a hugely different range of activities and information and images that they have access to.听
鈥淲hereas pornography really wasn鈥檛 an issue when I started this job 40 years ago 鈥� yes, it was around and we might get a partner who was a bit upset about their husband who had got some magazines hidden under the mattress, but it was miniscule 鈥� now it is awash.
鈥淩elationships and people and couples are awash with online pornography. And they have got very differing attitudes. Men and women tend to have different attitudes about what is okay and what isn鈥檛.
鈥淚t鈥檚 a form of retreat.
鈥淛ust below pornography is chatting online, flirting online, phoning other people. Before, the extreme for a couple might have been watching separate televisions, or something, now one or both can have retreated into their online world and there is very little incentive to sort out the problems between them.
鈥淚t鈥檚 just so easy to go off and find your satisfaction elsewhere. It鈥檚 a massive problem.
鈥淭here is a whole new area of keeping kids safe online, helping adults understand how to be safe online. It鈥檚 the vulnerable people who are most likely to get into some sort of trouble.
鈥淎nd trying to help people to understand that the fact you have done an awful lot of chatting online, real relationships are lived in the real world.
鈥淥kay, if you are happy to sit in your room and chat to this person then that is fine but when you meet them you are going to have to start all over again because real relationships are about being tactile and about really being with somebody.鈥�
Self-help
So what basic self-help advice would Deidre give people?
鈥淗ave confidence in yourself that if you are feeling scared or nervous, then other people are as well,鈥� she said.
鈥淗ave that faith that you can talk about it with someone, that it is okay to open up. There is no shame in asking for help.
鈥淏e kind to yourself. Don鈥檛 demand too much of yourself.
鈥淟earn how to breathe. There are lots of situations where people get anxious and worried they have screwed up, where if they learn to breathe out longer than you breathe in, in stress, that is a really helpful basic.
鈥淎nd get some exercise.鈥�
If you need a counsellor or a psychotherapist, you can find one near you in our听directory.
Read part one of our interview with Deidre.
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Photo credit:听This Morning/Rex Features