Many of us feel lonely now and again. But for some people loneliness can have a devastating impact on their mental health and wellbeing.

Loneliness is when you feel the quality of your relationships and social contact is not as good as you鈥檇 like it to be. You don鈥檛 have to be alone to feel lonely - people with lots of friends and family and active social lives can still feel lonely if they don鈥檛 have strong connections with the people around them.

Our member Siri Lewis says: 鈥淟oneliness can be really difficult. Often people don鈥檛 want to burden others with how they鈥檙e feeling.

鈥淔rom the outside, you may look like someone who has a great job, relationship, friends, and perhaps people think you have the perfect life. But inside you feel really lonely. It鈥檚 not easy to admit when that鈥檚 the case.鈥�

What causes loneliness?

There can be many reasons why you may struggle to build relationships and connections.听鈥淟oneliness isn't one-size-fits-all,鈥� says Siri, 鈥淓veryone鈥檚 experiences of it, and the reasons for feeling lonely, will be different.鈥�

The COVID-19 pandemic has increased feelings of loneliness as we听 faced reduced social contact and isolation. Says Siri: "Remote working has played a big part for some people. They鈥檝e missed the experience of being in the office and being with colleagues, and that鈥檚 left them feeling lonely.鈥�

Other causes of loneliness can include grieving a loved one, dealing with a relationship break-up, retirement, changing jobs, moving to a new area or starting university. In all these situations, you鈥檝e lost a relationship or connection with people who make a difference in your life.

Who does loneliness affect?

Loneliness can affect anyone, of any age, but some groups of people are more at risk.听

Younger people may face loneliness as they navigate their changing lives. Says Siri: 鈥淵our teenage years can be a lonely time. You鈥檙e discovering who you are and moving into adulthood, and sometimes that can leave you feel isolated and lonely.鈥�

Older people may become increasing lonely as families move away, they lose friends or relatives, or failing health leaves them unable to join in with social activities.

Those from Black, Asian or minority ethnic backgrounds, people who are disabled, single parents, those who face discrimination and stigma, or feel separated from those with a similar background to them, are at risk. And people who鈥檝e experienced abuse may find it difficult to build relationships with others, and consequently feel lonely.

How can loneliness affect mental health?

Loneliness can lead to anxiety and depression. It can also be connected to issues such as low self-esteem, low self-confidence, stress and social anxiety.

鈥淚f you鈥檙e feeling lonely, you鈥檙e often left alone with your own thoughts. Over-thinking can be an issue,鈥� adds Siri.

But it can also work the other way. If you鈥檙e struggling with your mental health, that may increase your chances of feeling lonely.

How to deal with loneliness

Sometimes the hardest step is admitting you鈥檙e lonely. 鈥淚t鈥檚 really important you confide in people,鈥� says Siri. 鈥淭here is help out there. Understanding why you feel this way can be key."

There are some practical things you could do. Siri suggests looking for social groups or community organisations to get involved in. 鈥淔inding groups of people with similar interests may help you build that connection you鈥檝e been missing,鈥� she says.

鈥淥r make a phone call, have a chat to a friend or relative; sometimes that one conversation can really help improve your day.鈥�

How can counselling help with loneliness?

Counselling can help you to explore and understand how you鈥檙e feeling and give you coping skills to deal with your loneliness.

鈥淎 counsellor won鈥檛 judge you, and you can talk openly about what you鈥檙e going through," says Siri.听鈥淭hey can help you understand when you feel most lonely and what causes you to feel this way, and they'll support you to find out what you can do about it.

鈥淚鈥檇 encourage anyone feeling lonely to reach out for help. There鈥檚 something that will work for you.鈥�

If you have any comments or would like to share your story, please get in touch with us.听

More about loneliness

Find out more...